What Is Holding Me Back?


The fact that I don’t know what to do with my life. I mean sure I have hobbies and passions and I’m currently doing my psych degree. But what do I do after that? I’m kind of lost. I like to think that eventually, I will find my true calling in life if that’s even a thing. But my future at the minute seems vague to me, I literally don’t have any plans. I don’t know what I’m going to do in a weeks time, let alone 5 years. I find it hard to make goals and plans because I know that I will not achieve them. Everyone else seems to have their lives together and I’m here, in my room, wondering what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. Does my life have a purpose? Who knows? All I know is that I don’t want to go about life just existing, I want to live it. I don’t want to work in a 9-5 office job if I’m going to hate it. I want to do something I love, and I just have to figure out what that is.

Negative people with sharp tongues. There are some people in my life who I love, of course, but I do not necessarily like them. These people tend to say things, however unintentionally, but they really affect me and I take their words to heart. I know I shouldn’t be bothered by what they say but it really hurts and they have no idea. I’ve been told I’m lazy and pathetic by people closest to me and it makes me feel like a failure. But I can’t stop them saying nasty things to me; I’m not brave enough to stand up to them because they will never change. What’s even worse is that if I forgive them, it will give them fuel for their engines and they will think it is ok to talk me down again. So I guess, I’ve sort of given up in that respect. When people keep saying nasty things to you, you start to believe them. I hate it when I can’t even get away from the negativity.

Not reaching my full potential.Β Not being good enough. I’m a perfectionist and that means that I think too much about what I am doing. And that overthinking is causing me to do worse so the perfectionist in me gets stressed out. I’m entering my last year of university i.e. the year of the dissertation, and I’m honestly really scared. What if my best is not enough to get me that First? What if I put all my energy and time into those 10,000 words or so and I don’t get the result I was aiming for. I need to stop worrying and just get on with it but I’m a worrier, it’s what I do. I’m scared of the outcomes. The writing of my dissertation should go smoothly (I hope) but what if it gets to the day of submission and I’m not happy with my work?

Distractions. They’re the WORST. With all the social media outlets available now, there’s plenty to look at when you’re bored or unmotivated. And if you’re like me,it happens all the time. Sometimes when I can’t be bothered to write, I’ll look at funny videos my brother shared on facebook or funny cat memes. I get distracted so easily, I can’t help it. Distractions hold me back from actually doing any kind of productive work.

Photo Credit: Andrew Phillips

This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 1

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9 thoughts on “What Is Holding Me Back?

  1. Hey, I saddening to hear that you go through what every normal human does. People shouldn’t being you down and at some point you should tell them to back off otherwise you are just as responsible of their hurt as they are. I’m a perfectionist too but have to realise that we can control every and being disappointed about just contributes to your unhappiness. So please learn to let go of some things. Worry about the things you can change, don’t stress yourself on what you can’t.
    I hope I was of help.
    I’m also in my final tear so let’s cross fingers for each other and I know everything will be fine. Please stay strong.. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s hard when the people who bring me down have a hold over me or are related to me because I don’t want to upset them or cause arguments because I’m not good with conflict. I will try and let go of things πŸ™‚ Thank you for your lovely comment, you’re so nice! :3 and good luck with your last year at uni!!

      Liked by 1 person

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