Dear brother and sister,
Hi, this is weird writing you a letter. I’ve never done this before so bear with me ok even though you’ll probably never see it. I know we don’t really talk much, we’re not as close as we could be. We don’t really talk much about personal things but that’s just what we’re like. We’ve never been ones to share things or stories with each other, although I do wish we were a bit closer.
We don’t know how to comfort each other – we just let each other be. We never hug each other and I think I only ever hugged you when we were little and our parents told us to make up after we had a fight, and apparently hugging was the only solution. The last time we hugged properly was before I went through to the departure lounge at the airport for what was originally going to be 3 months in Madrid. I came back the next week. I know I’m not one to really show my feelings but I just wanted to let you know.
We fight a lot, more than most people actually. You guys can really get on my nerves sometimes and hate it when we fight because it’s not play fighting, it’s actually anger. It makes me sad that we don’t get along as much as I would like us to. We just find every little thing each other does to be really irritating (
like when you don’t close the god damn door). And we shout, so much. Well, I try to keep to myself most of the time. You see, I really don’t like conflict and that’s one of the reasons I like to be alone. I don’t wat to annoy you or be annoyed by you, but you know, it’s inevitable. And I hate it when you come into my personal space – I created it for a reason. It’s just really tense in the house and no-one seems to be underlyingly happy and it’s not nice. We never know who of us is going to blow up in anger next. It’s like treading on eggshells. Everyone, and I don’t know why, seems really stressed in the house. I think that’s the way we’ve been brought up, though. But despite all of that, I want to tell you a few things.
The first is that I love you. I’ve never told you before but I do. Regardless of all our arguments, I would fight for you and I would fight with you. If anyone ever hurt you they will have to go through me first. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise. You’re my little brother and sister and I would do anything for you, but you probably don’t know that. I should tell you I love you but I don’t know how. We never usually reveal our soft sides to each other. I mean, we get along relatively well and we have our laughs, our ups and downs but I still love you two. I know that when you annoy me I sometimes tell you I hate you but that’s not true and I always regret saying it after. I don’t really hate you, it’s just a momentary slip of the tongue. You know how much you mean to me. I hope you know this without me having to tell you because chances are that I may not say it out loud.
But overall, we’re pretty good as brothers and sisters aren’t we? We get along just fine. Everyone gets along with their siblings differently and this is just our way. I kind of wish we would spend more time together because when we’re middle aged and married with kids, we won’t have enough time to see each other and catch up. I hope we remain close, though, I hope we can text each other like we still do now. You two are the complete opposite to me, you have loads of friends whilst I stay at home writing, and you hang out with all your friends all the time. But that’s what I like and that’s what you like and I’m glad we’re not the same because think how boring that would be. You’re living life the way you want and so am I.
Oh and one more thing. Gosh, I hardly tell you anything, do I? Ok so basically, I’m proud of you. I am, even though I don’t say it or show it much. I’m proud to be your big sister, honestly, I am. You guys are growing up so fast ugh. But I wouldn’t change you for the world. Keep doing you.
Love from April,
The best big sister ever(!)