My Take On Soulmates


“Before you find your soul mate, you must first discover your soul.” – Charles F. Glassman

I’m not sure I believe in soulmates.

I’m not a love cynic, really I’m not because I do believe in love. But I’m just not sure I believe in soulmates. The stereotypical connotation of “soulmates” makes it seem as though you have no choice in the matter like this person will magically appear in your life when you aren’t looking for them, and then you’ll fall in love and live a happy ever after. Ok, um, no. That’s not how it works, let’s be real.

Soulmates are presumed to be “your other half”. Right. Who said you are a half and not a whole? Think about it. You are a whole person and you definitely don’t need someone else to “complete” you. You are not a fraction – you are a complete masterpiece all by yourself. I get why “soulmates” is a thing – it’s cute and it’s nice to think that about your person. And granted, the word is better than ‘partner’, ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’.

Two people who are perfectly suited together are considered to be soulmates.

When you think about soulmates, you tend to think about two people who are perfect for each other – they are “ideally suited” together (as Google puts it quite nicely). But with the word comes the connotation that the other person thinks, behaves and speaks in a manner like yours. Sometimes that can happen – you hear of stories, or may know people who have been together for ages and they end up looking like their partner. And for the record, I find that strange, intriguing and lovely all at the same time. If anyone knows why this happens, comment below because I really want to know now.

But what if you find the love of your life and you end up not being soulmates? In fact, you are complete opposites. I know people who have been together forever, love each other but do not like each other. Is that what being soulmates is all about? Loving and liking your person? I’d say that’s pretty impossible. You’re not going to like every decision your partner makes or everything they do, let’s be honest.

Are soulmates solely romantic?

And what about people who you don’t love romantically but are on the same wavelength? I think that there are some people that just “get” you more than anyone else in your life, they understand you more that anyone can, even yourself. Like your best friend for example, and you don’t have to be together. Although soulmates are mostly associated with love, there are many types of love.

Why are soulmates described as people who will change your life? Can’t you change it yourself? I know it’s nice to have someone by your side when you do it, but they’re not going to do it for you, and it’s not their fault if you don’t change your life. Sometimes they have to just accept your life as it is and not change it.

You should actively seek out your soulmate instead of wait.

And ok, bear with. The word “soulmate” is composed of two words. Soul and mate. A mate for your soul. Your soul’s friend. Someone who you can just hang out with and be you. To say that you have to wait a lifetime for your soulmate to come around is a paradox. What if you waited all that time thinking your so called soulmate would come into your life… and they didn’t? Is it worth taking the chance? People get sick of waiting, so you have to be active about it. You wouldn’t wait to make friends. So why would you wait for Mr. or Mrs Right? Relationships take time to develop.

The idea that you’ll find someone who is perfect for you off the bat is insane. That doesn’t happen. You are going to have quibbles and fights and arguments sometimes. And quite frankly, a relationship where two people don’t fight or don’t say what’s on your mind is probably an unhealthy relationship. Your relationship won’t be perfect from the beginning.

What if the love of your life, at this point in time, is not your soulmate?

The idea that your soul has loved someone since the beginning of time is silly since you never even knew this person before recently. How do you decide a person is your soulmate? Love is blind and once you get over that initial honeymoon phase you’ll start to see the real them. People have ways of keeping secrets from yu, even the people closest to you. What is your “soulmate” or the person who you thought was your soulmate decides to break up with you or that they don’t love you anymore? Or what if they did something hurtful and unforgivable? And then you start to fall in love with someone else after a while. Is this new person your soulmate? Can you have more than one soulmate in a lifetime? Does that not render the whole idea about soulmates useless?

“There is no such thing as a soulmate… and who would want there to be? I don’t want half of a shared soul. I want my own damn soul.” – Rachel Cohn

The idea of belonging to someone else is like being imprisoned.

Ther is no such thing because you can’t have bonded souls. You don’t “belong” to anyone but yourself. Belonging to someone is a trap. And you don’t want to be imprisoned by someone else because that is no love, that’s control. Can’t you be your own self? Is that not enough? Did humans have to make up a word that meant “your other half”?

Are soulmates meant to stay in your life forever? Are they people you need to stay committed to? I think it is a tragedy to need someone else, to depend on them so much and to be lost without them. What I do believe, however, is that you can mean a lot or everything to a person. A soulmate shouldn’t be someone who is perfect for you because nobody is perfect. But soulmates should be a person that doesn’t give up on you no matter what – they should encourage you to be the best you that you can be. Soulmates are the people who let you be yourself on your own terms and wouldn’t change a thing about you. You can’t convince someone that you are right for them, you have to let it happen.

I don’t think your soul should be “joined” to someone else’s soul.

I believe in true love. But I don’t believe in soulmates. I don’t think your soul can be joined to another person’s soul, and I don’t think it should be anyway. It means you can’t get out of it. If you’re joined at the soul, hypothetically, doesn’t that make it even harder to get out of the relationship if it isn’t working out? How do you break a soul connection? You are not “meant” to be someone else’s. But what you can do is try to make it work all the same.

The very idea of fate and soulmates is that whatever we do, it’s going to happen anyway. We aren’t exactly free to do or choose what we want because it has already been decided for us. How can one specific person out of the 8 billion+ people in this world be the only person for you? It’s ridiculous if you think about it. What if your soulmate was born on the other side of the world without technology or money meaning you couldn’t find them?

You can’t lose someone you didn’t know in the first place.

Sometimes we tell ourselves that the reason that none of our past relationships are working out is that we haven’t found our soulmate yet. How can you find your soulmate without even trying? You can’t just say “accio soulmate” and they will appear – it doesn’t work. If you were trying to find something you lost, you wouldn’t wait for it to show up – you would seek it out actively. Having to find something or someone pretty much means you lost them in the first place. What? How can you have lost someone you don’t even know?

I’ll tell you how. It’s because the idea of a soulmate is that you have known a particular soul for all of the lifetimes you have lived. Crazy, right? If we knew who our soulmate was in the first place it would make it so much easier to sift through everyone else. No more heartbreak or heartache. Except that doesn’t happen.

So tell me what you think, do you believe in soulmates?

Photo Credit: Alejandra Quiroz

xxx

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2 thoughts on “My Take On Soulmates

  1. Pingback: A Response To: My Take On Soulmates – Little April Shower

  2. I remember reading from The Big Book of Psychology, that a couple grow more and more similar to each other because of empathy. Humans are wired to recognise emotions as a mean of communication. Experiments show that native people of many faraway isolated countries can understand emotions of foreign visitors through their facial expression without understanding languages. This shows ability to recognise emotional facial expressions are innate, and people can generally relate. Back to the topic, a couple surely spend lots of time together and through interactions they come to frequently empathise each others emotions and respond with a similar facial expression. Mirroring the same expression over and over will result in the facial muscles remembering how to behave and so you and your spouse may have wrinkles or dimples on the same spots that make two persons look alike over time.

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