“I am constantly amazed by man’s inhumanity to man.” – Primo Levi
I can’t stand people. Do you know why? Because people see what they want to see, believe what they want to believe and most of the time, say what they want to say without holding back. If only humans would just calm down, as a whole, and shut up. The world would be a better place, trust me.
Narcissists are everywhere but most of them are not assessed as narcissists. It can be hard to spot a narcissist unless you work or live with them or know them. You have to learn it the hard way. They are experts at being hazards to themselves. There are narcissists in positions of power, like politics, and businesses; they are productive and successful.One percent of the population are said to be narcissists not including people who haven’t been diagnosed.
Love and like are not similar at all. You can love someone because it is your duty; you care about a person. But you do not have to like them. Love is unconditional, wholesome and subconscious. You have a bond with someone which can’t be broken. While liking someone is conditional, very specific and conscious. You can choose whether you like someone or not based on what they do or say. And I suppose when you love someone, it’s hard to shake that feeling. You can love a narcissist but not like them very much. Love is a commitment and like is a choice. You may not have a choice in love because it just happens, and it’s based on attachment. Like is superficial. If someone you love does something you do not like, you still love them, but you don’t like the decision they made. Love means loving every bit of the person even if they have flaws or annoy you or irritate and anger you; you find a way of getting past it and forgiving them. It can drive you mad because it’s a deep feeling. You may love someone but you don’t have to like what they do if they do something wrong or hurtful. I love plenty of people, but I don’t necessarily like them.
Loving people love people and hurtful people hurt people. Simple as that. You have to look at how others treat people who are equal to them, and people who are inferior to them. For example, when you’re on a date, and the guy (or girl!) is mean to a waiter, they are not a nice person, and you can tell how they may treat you in the future if you do them wrong. Stay away from these people. A good person would not treat someone else badly, whether they are equals, superiors or inferiors. A good person will not have to prove themselves to you, because they exuberate warmth and happiness when they are with you and others. Some of the most poisonous people come dressed as good people – you can’t base their character solely on how they treat you. If you do, they have wrapped you around their finger. Sometimes, when you are involved with a toxic person, they will treat you badly, and they will also treat you well. So they have you confused as to what part of their personality they will show you at any point. If you see them devalue someone else who used to be close to them, you may start to receive that same abusive treatment.
What you put your attention on, grows. You can literally think yourself into a bad mood. But if you can do that, imagine if what you thought about was positive! You’d think yourself into a good mood, which is so much better. What narcissists do is they become stressed about any one life stressor (there are lots), and that’s all they can think about. It blinds them. And they take it out on us when we do something wrong because it adds to the stress they are thinking about and they can’t take it anymore. Instead of admitting that they are stressed, flawed, or wrong, they project this negativity onto unsuspecting and innocent people in occasionally very nasty and hurtful ways. They never take time to relax, you think that if they took a chill pill that they would calm down, and apologise, but they never do. They are always so tense, and they blame this tension on other people instead of themselves. They would prefer that we should feel ashamed of ourselves for something they think we did to cause their stress. The world is blamed for what is wrong with them.
So in order to counteract this, what you should do is think positively. I know it’s cliché, but the narcissits will put you in a bad mood and it will be all you can think of, wondering what you did wrong. You have to realise that you may have done nothing wrong and it is their fault. Think positively, surround yourself with good and happy people and it will be reciprocated. You become what you think about most. Narcissists think about everything that is wrong with the world, and are rarely positive, and they want to make everyone else feel the exact same way. Supply yourself with the confirmation that their abusive behaviour is the problem, not you. Do not stoop down to their level because it gives them more fuel in their engine. Supply yourself with positive vibes, you did nothing wrong.
Your opinions DO matter. Narcisissts will try to silence you with their entire being. These people are so stubborn in their thinking that they will not change their minds or see things from your perspective. They invalidate your opinions and dismiss your perspectives althogether, and never address the real issues at hand. You need to hold on to what you believe in and think, and do not back down – don’t let their stubborness affect your opinions. Most of the time, narcissists think illogically and cannot see fact from fiction. They are only interested in their singular experience, and their inflated sense of self, and believe that they are right even if you try to argue or persuade otherwise. By all means, I’m not suggesting that you also deny their opinions because of course they matter too, and sometimes they are right about things. But if you don’t agree on some things, that’s ok. Just beware that they will try to defend their opinion in an offensive way.
If you liked this post, would you like me to write one on how to deal with narcissists? Or why narcissists behave like they do? Leave a suggestion!
You might also like:
A Regrettable Choice of Words in which I talk about anger.
Best Left Alone where I talk about toxic people.