Santa looks at a matryoshka doll of himself and its various layers, mysterious, fierce, jolly…and at the centre, he finds “Big eyes, because they are full of wonder. Wonder is what I put into the world and what I put into the children. It’s why I am a guardian. It’s my centre. What is yours?”
If only I had a matryoshka doll, eh? I could take it apart and put it back together again. And I would know, for sure, what makes me, me. It would reveal all the layers of myself. What’s my centre? That’s a huge question. I cannot possibly know. How can you ever truly know what is at the centre of yourself? It’s kind of an abstract question.
We all have our various layers of ourselves like we might be a fairly patient person, or nice, or sassy, or funny, or fierce, and they may be at your centre; your very essence. Wonder is at Santa’s centre. I think the use of the matryoshka doll in the movie was a really great idea, especially for kids watching it because it shows that everyone is different and you don’t truly know someone unless you spend enough time with them. We all have layers, thoughts and opinions, ideals and mindsets… and people will expect you to behave in a certain way if you’re in a certain situation, but sometimes it won’t be being true to yourself. And sometimes we have layers that we don’t want other people to see because we’ve changed and we’ve become an entirely different person from how we used to be; the person in the past does not exist anymore. We all have layers based on experiences, belief, talent, passion… and we have to live with all of these layers in harmony.
We have our default surface layer, which everyone sees. And then as some people edge themselves into our lives, our surface layers peel away and they see different sides of us. We all behave differently when we are with different people. But if you reveal yourself too soon to a new person, you could get hurt. There are some things that you don’t want even the people closest to you to know. It may be a layer of you that they shouldn’t see or a layer that is too personal to reveal to a complete stranger. It’s hard, knowing what side of yourself to reveal to some people, especially if you know practically nothing about them. It can be scary to reveal yourself. Similar to my post, Honesty Hour: Who I Am and Why I’m Here, I don’t know who I am deep down but I am willing to find out. In order to find out who I truly am, I need to peel away the layers. But it’s harder than you think.
What is my pure self? What is at the bottom of my heart? You’d think I should know by now, after all, I’ve had 20 years of life so far. I see my reflection in the mirror, in lakes, in puddles and windows, but that’s only what I look like. My reflection does not reveal who I am inside. I wish it did. I wish when we asked ourselves who we are that our brain would deliver the answer all wrapped up in a magnificent parcel wrapped in a glittery ribbon. But it doesn’t so we have to figure it out for ourselves. I can only guess who I am at my centre. And other people can tell you who you are based on what you are like when you are with them. But they don’t know what you’re like when you’re alone. Only you do. You can spend ages pondering and not really come to a conclusion. I imagine my layers like ripples in the water, widening out from an original centre. I think that once you let someone in, there is no controlling how far they will go.
And then, when you do figure out your layers, you do not know the order they go in, from the centre out. They are parts of you, aspects of your whole. But if you start to think of yourself as composed of these “layers”, you start to simplify yourself. Do not do that; you are a complex human being. You cannot be restricted to mere words. Words reduce you. You are more than “nice” or “kind” or “fierce”. These words may describe you on the outside, but not you on the inside. You are not made up of adjectives. I’ve never labelled myself, and I may never be able to label myself. You can call me what you want if you need a term for me. But I am labelless. I can describe myself in any way I want, and you’d probably believe me. You can be known for something, or have a reputation or there may be rumours spread about you. But none of these things reflects you. People only see what they want to see.
What makes YOU a Guardian?