I write because I enjoy it. I have a lot of thoughts which I cannot express as speech, the words cannot be formed in my mouth, but my mind seems to know exactly how to express my thoughts on the screen. I guess I write because the people around me do not know the true me, they know the me that I portray myself as when I am with them, but not the me that I am when I am alone. My thoughts are confusing, like storm clouds they build up until eventually they come crashing. I don’t know what I’m thinking until I can physically see the thought typed or written, rather than expressing my thoughts as speech where they are not permanent, and they are fleeting. I can write the things which I will never be able to say out loud. It helps me understand myself.
Words on the page can be read over and over and you are able to make sense of them – they are concrete, but a thought that is not written will be lost. Thoughts and memories decay unless they are made permanent; unless they are recorded. The momentary feature of the spoken word allows for misunderstandings; they may not be remembered correctly, the conversation will not be remembered exactly, and this can be harmful. A person may wrongly remember that a person said something in a way that is completely opposite to what was actually said – for example misinterpreting a genuine compliment to a sarcastic and horrible one. Unlike spoken word, written word can be re-done, it can be deleted and re-written. Once you say something to someone you can’t take it back, however mean it was or however heartfelt it was, or however truthful. Nothing you say to someone can be changed.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou
I write because I want to tell my stories to people who will actually listen. The screen or the paper on which I write do not interrupt me. They are patient. The act of stringing words together to make a sentence is therapeutic. It’s a wonder that what I am typing is directly flowing from my mind, through my arms, hands, and the keyboard and appearing on screen. So I let my mind flow.